Acid is not a monday night drug
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Holy shit dude........stairs
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
