I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How does it feel to date your dad?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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