My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
