Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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