Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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