There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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