Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
