After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
a search helicopter?!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
