what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
