Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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