in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
