Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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