All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
