I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
