The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
