we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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