Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You are a genius and a whore.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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