guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
there was a trapeze. enough said
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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