I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
