the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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