Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
