I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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