Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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