When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We have started to decorate penises.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You brought string cheese to the strip club
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
