why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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