I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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