btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
