Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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