Need sex. Gaining weight.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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