I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
