Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
