so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Alive.
So much puke
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
