the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
