Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
and you fell through a lawn chair
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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