I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
sick fucks of a feather flock together
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
