No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
