Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
