you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
