if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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