Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
