You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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