He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I AM VODKA MAN
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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