first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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