you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
