I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
