i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
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