dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize