so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize