That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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