i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize