There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
