I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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