Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
