My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
