How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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