i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize