Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
