Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I need to align my fucking chakras
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