nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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