i can't believe i had my finger in that
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
