Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
