just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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