ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
