I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
