I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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