Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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