I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
