You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
