Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
