No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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