I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
