"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We are all done wearing pants today
Oh god it's open bar.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
