My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
