Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
