woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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