If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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