it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
