Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
