no you cant smoke seaweed
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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