I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
