Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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