I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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