well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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