Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
