I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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