Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize