Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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