I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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