I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Apparently you make a good broom.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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