Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
