hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize