Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
