make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
