So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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