I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
