hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
