I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize