I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
