Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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