I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
